


Whiskey (for science)

by UnderTheRedHood



Series: YJ appreciation month [2]
Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, I wrote this with supermartian and birdflash in mind but it's up to your interpretation, mentions of Artemis Crock, mentions of Bruce Wayne - Freeform, mentions of M'gann M'orzz, yjam, young justice appreciation month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 16:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5341487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnderTheRedHood/pseuds/UnderTheRedHood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Teenage Shenanigans</p><p>Wally and Dick decide to experiment with Conner’s reaction to alcohol while simultaneously testing Wally’s metabolism.  (Somehow Dick’s still the only one that gets drunk.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whiskey (for science)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for YJAM-- day 2. Check out my other piece for day 1.
> 
> Also: if it wasn't clear, there's underage drinking in this. Rated for swearing.

 

Conner couldn’t hold the whiskey in his mouth for more than a couple seconds before coughing it out in a major spit-take moment ( _if only he had let Wally film it_!) all over Dick.  Wally was on the floor laughing while the two teenage vigilantes stared at him in disgust.  If there had been a camera, Dick would’ve turned towards it like in the Office.

“I don’t understand the point of this,” Conner grumbled, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

Wally sighed dramatically and gave a spirited shrug, “oh I don’t know-- maybe for _science_!”

“Bullshit, KF,” Dick smirked, “this is as much as for science as that time you asked random hot strangers if you could lick their abs for charity.”

Wally grinned and nodded, “so you agree-- they were _smoking_.”

“You are one of the most--”

“Awesome?  Sexy?   _Bisexual_?” Wally raised his eyebrows and elbowed his friend suggestively.

“Horny,” Dick groaned.

Conner swore, glaring between the two of them, “I’m leaving.”

“No!  This is the one time I can test my theory that Kryptonians can’t get drunk.”

“Plus we get to get a 3 year old drunk without it being inappropriate,” Dick added.

“Uh, hah yeah,” Wally swung an arm over Dick’s shoulder, “let’s not say it like that, kay bud?”

Conner mumbled something before grabbing the bottle from Dick’s hands and chugging it like some indestructible frat boy.

“Oh.  No.  Don’t--” Dick interjected but he was interrupted with Wally’s hand over his lips.

“Shh.  This’ll help test my hypothesis.”

“I can’t handle you sometimes,” he shot back.

“Aw, you love me,” Wally grinned at the two of them.

Dick rolled his eyes as Conner slammed the glass down on the table again.  He had finished it.

“You know, that could’ve totally killed you,” Dick pointed out with an edge of exasperation to his voice.

“Well I’m fine.  I’ve got a thing with M’gann now so I think I’m just going to--”

“Do you feel it?” Wally interrupted, leaning against the couch in anticipation.

“No, and I don’t understand why a couple drinks would get somebody intoxicated.”

“Uh-huh, clone-y.  Just watch,” Wally turned towards Dick after opening a second bottle and reaching for the shot glass.

“Wow.  Trying to get a fifteen year old drunk, Wally?  Real smooth, you perv.”

“Fine!” Wally exclaimed, pouring himself a shot too, “I’ll drink too.  But you do realize you’re encouraging me to illegally consume alcohol underage, Mr. I’m-gonna-grow-up-to-be-Batman?”

“Firstly-- fuck you.  Secondly, I’m not going to grow up to be Batman.  I’m my own person.  And thirdly-- this was your idea.  This is your uncle’s whiskey!”

“Is thirdly a word?”

“Do I look like I give a fuck about the English language?”

“Valid point.”

“O.K.  I’m leaving, thanks,” Conner muttered, standing up again.  In a flash ( _hah, Uncle Barry would’ve laughed at that_ ), Wally was at his side, attempting but failing to tug him back into his seat.

Dick felt the need to roll his bright blue eyes one last time before reluctantly taking the shot.  Wally followed him immediately with more enthusiasm.

“We know you can’t get drunk,” Dick pointed out with a sullen expression.

“One more, ey Dickiebird?”

“If you call me that again: I will break the no guns rule and _I will kill you_.”

Conner sighed, watching the two pour themselves each another glass worth.  They were boring him.

Dick wrinkled his nose and shook his head a few times, “I’m not gonna get drunk on two shots.”

“Bullshit,” Wally stage-whispered to Conner, “me and Arty call him two-shot-Dick ‘cause he’s such a light weight.”

“ _Once_!  That happened once!”

“I’m leaving.”  This time Conner didn’t let Wally or Dick stop him-- it would’ve been hard with their arguing.

Dick growled at him, “‘m not drunk!”

“Dude.  If Bruce was here right now, you think you could convince him of that?”

“I--” Dick paused and looked at the glass, “--screw you.”

“Not while you're drunk!” Wally teased, “I don’t take advantage of helpless _wittle_ teenagers.”

“‘Member what I said ‘bout the gunsthing?”

“You’re slurring, rich-boy.  And besides, I’m faster than you on a good day.  Think you stand a chance with me now?”

“Don’t test me.”

“Yeah, yeah.”


End file.
